Raggamuffin

Today I had to go to work for a little bit. I had a meeting with the director of Gilda's Club to organize their involvement with our research study we are working on right now. The place is amazing. It is a place for family members and friends who have been touched by cancer, and also for patients suffering from cancer. This place is like my dream job! They have lots of fun activities for kids, including an entire art room! The director and I talked for a few minutes about me volunteering there, and she was very excited to find out my background in Art Education, as well as my career goals to become a grief and loss specialist and counselor. I hope one day I can work for such an amazing company, and in the mean time I plan on doing lots of volunteer work with them!!

Oxford Comma

This weekend I am sleeping in so much. Tomorrow night after work, I am going out with Brad, then probably going to sleep until at least noon on Saturday. ok, really I will probably wake up around 9, but I'm going to give it a valiant effort. The Saturday afternoon is Molly and Garver's wedding (I am sooo excited! Congrats kids!) Then Sunday and Monday is going to consist of lots of the following:

Flannel Pajamas
Pumpkin Spice Coffee
Netflix Movies
Naps
Food
Yarn Ordering (payday tomorrow :0)

I will also be working on an overtime project from work. I am making an iMovie to use for training/ conference purposes. I get to use my creative side and art training!!! I am pretty excited about that as well. Should shape up to be a very relaxing and productive weekend!

Much Love,
  -E

Lemonade

Somedays I find myself daydreaming on and off continually. When work gets really stressful, like today for example, I let my mind wander to a different place for a little while. I imagine what it would be like to truly break free of this life, this place, these rules, this persona. Go somewhere else, be someone else, and do something else. This isn't in a sad way, just an adventure. Losing myself to find myself sort of thing. Today I went back to my trip to New York City in March of '07. I was 20 and in town for an Art Educators Conference. I remember the crispness of the city. I remember walking through Rockefeller Center through 4 foot snow drifts, getting coffee and doughnuts across the street at Starbucks, hitting the town for St. Patricks Day. I felt very alive, and vibrant, and new. I remember having the distinct feeling, for the first time, that I was in charge of my own universe, and my own destiny. I think today, we lose that understanding so quickly. We become controlled by our job, our boss, what we think we are "supposed" to be doing. We lose sight that any day we can change our situation. I could wake up tomorrow and decide I want to become an interior designer, and as long as I stay true to what I want, I can make it happen. I can make anything happen, and that realization can sometimes stunt us from moving towards our dreams more than hiding behind our inhibitions.

On days like today, I have to remind myself that life isn't perfect. It's messy, and unreliable, and chaotic. No one is perfect, not even the people we perceive to be so. No one does everything right, and everyone will majorly screw things up from time to time. I also have to remind myself that what I am doing now is a stepping stone. It's not the end all be all, it isn't my career, but it is a big part in my future. I won't wake up tomorrow and decide to be an interior designer (I don't think) but I will wake up tomorrow and know that I am moving in the right direction. The only person who truly is in control over me is God, and through his unfailing love, I can do anything. I am realizing my potential, and I won't stop. Like I told Keeli tonight "Enjoy yourself! Relax! Don't think about work... that's just a job. Enjoy your life!"

Much Love,
  -E

All These Things

Tuesday, first day of the work week. I have thoroughly enjoyed the storms today, and the blanket of yellow and red leaves that are now covering my backyard. I went grocery shopping and bought lots of yummy things for salads, and breakfast, and pumpkin spice coffee with chocolate toffee creamer. For dinner I'm making a roasted portobello mushroom stuffed with spinach leaves, feta cheese, tomatoes and onions. Delicious! I plan on curling up in bed with some Grey's Anatomy, pumpkin spice coffee, and flannel PJs and hanging out tonight.

I have received confirmation on my grad school interview. November 1 @ 10:00 A.M. I am excited and nervous all at once. I have submitted half of my required materials. Still missing 2 reference letters, letter of intent, and GRE scores. Getting there slowly.

I bought a beautiful hand knitted beret today from a friend. Check this girl out!! We went to school together and she has really enhanced her work, and strived to create beautiful pieces with style, flare, and personality. Oh and they are ALL hand knitted, woven, and sewn! I can't wait to get my beret!!! I'm probably going to wear it everywhere!

Can't wait till I can get some overtime hours, and overtime pay, and some yarn! It has taken a while, but its a process, after buying the loom and some other equipment I had to give the bank account a break... But nights like tonight make me eager to get back on it! I also want to learn how to knit now ;)

Much love,
  -E

Unbroken Promise

Today I have been thinking a lot about the future, where I'm going and what I want. David and I had a wonderful weekend in Knoxville with some amazing friends and when we began the long trek back (Nashville for me, Memphis for him) I started thinking about him leaving, again. For over 3 years now, ever time we see each other, at the end of our time, one of us has to leave. At first, it was very difficult, then it became routine, then second nature, and now it has made its way back around to be being difficult. I hate watching him walk down the stairs to his car knowing it will be another 1,2, or 3 weeks before I see him again. Sometimes I feel like I'm wishing my life away in the time we are apart, just anticipating being with him again. My 24th birthday was yesterday, and as I was driving back today I was thinking "wow, I am really 24, I have really graduated from college, I am sort of an adult now." It was weird. Most day's I still feel like a kid, and act like a kid, and so does David. I think we are both slowly moving into a direction that will bring us closer together. All I know is that tonight I would love to be cuddling up to him in our bed, in our house, and actually have the opportunity to have a life together. Trying to find a balance between what you want to do and what you want to have with someone can be very difficult.

Key Question: Where do you see yourself in 5 years??

There are two parts of me answering this question. The first part is my over analyzing side, that likes to plan everything in advance, organize, and figure out the answers. That part says; finished with grad school, married or engaged, working towards PhD and really good at rock climbing. Also, have a couch. The second part of me, the more liberal, life by the seat of your pants kinda side says, WHY DO I HAVE TO KNOW?? This side says; life happens, why plan, why not just go with it and enjoy the ride, figure out some short term goals and work on those, just have fun and relax. Trying to balance this constant struggle between thinking sides is rough. So for now, I have a rough guess as to what my life might possibly look like in 5 years, but mostly am just trying to focus on the short term. I know sort of where I am going, and I don't really feel like I have to have more answers than that. 

So for the short term:

*I need to get into Grad School. Half way through application materials as of today, and have a interview November 1st. Sitting in on a class October 19th. 

*Need to figure out a Halloween costume... any suggestions?

*Clean my studio and order some yarn

*Book flights of Me, David, and Brad for New Year's Eve. Going to see my dear friend Anna, since it is tradition that the four of us spend it together. 

I think that will work for now. If you haven't noticed by now, no matter how I analyze a situation, that first side of me will always win over with some sort of to-do list. Guess that's just my style. 

Much Love,

  -E

Son of a Gun

OK, last night was awesome!!! Thank you to all my amazing friends who came out to celebrate with me!! Now I'm heading to Knox for the weekend to continue!!! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend as well! The weather is soooo beautiful here, go out and enjoy it!!!

Much Love,
   -E

Mi Amigo

Today begins the Birthday Weekend Celebration! Very very exciting. For those of you who have been reading for some time, you might remember last year ON my birthday I was taken to the ER for the Swine Flu. That's right ligitimate H1N1 swine flu. It sucked. Needless to say, I didn't really get to celebrate. So, this year we are going all out! Tonight, Mexican fiesta dinner at Las Palmas in Nashville with some awesome people, tomorrow day/night UT football game watching, beer drinking, best friend time back in Knoxville with Rusty, Meg, and Jess, then Sunday, family & friend cookout party complete with presents and bonfire!! I can not wait. I was talking to someone yesterday at work, and they were talking about fancy dinner parties and trendy (expensive) places in Nashville they would want to go for their birthday. In this conversation I had an epiphany, I am so not that way. I always say to each their own, and this particular person really enjoys the finer things in life, and good for him! For me, nothing sounds better than grabbing some drinks and sitting around a campfire, or going to a sorta sketchy restaurant with amazing food and inviting anyone who wants to come. I love my friends, and I really enjoy quality time with them. I am such a conversationalist, I really want to know who YOU are and what you like. I love making connections with people and just generally being around others. So thats what I plan to do for my birthday, surround myself with the people I love and have as much fun as I possibly can.

I can't wait for that first birthday margaritta ;)

Sleeping Lessons

Some days, getting up at 4:30 A.M. for work is not so bad... some days I push the snooze button every 5 minutes for 30 minutes, then lay here and stare at the wall till the very last minute before I have to get up and put on my scrubs. Today was the latter. My bed is too comfortable.

One day, I'll have a job where I get to go in at 9 instead of 5:45.

Wake-N-Bacon....  an alarm clock- its shaped like a giant pig face, and cooks bacon right next to your bed.  Maybe this would help?

Let's Stay Together

Oh friends. Something interesting I have been thinking about today, is you guys, my friends. I am so thankful to read my comments and feel loved from my weaving ladies (Joanna, Allison --> thats you! haha)  and to see when my friends write a blog just about me (love to Amber). Yesterday I checked out my viewing history on my blog and I had people reading it in like 12 other COUNTRIES! I had no idea. My dad has always told me that you only have a few "true" friends in your whole life, but I am going to disagree with him. I think you will have a lot of "true" friends throughout the course of your life, but they will just come at different times. Just because you part ways or lose touch does that mean you weren't really friends to begin with? No, I don't think so. I don't think we can quantify the importance of something based on how long it lasted. I had some amazing friends in college who were really true friends whom I have lost touch with. It's not because anything bad happened, or we don't like each other anymore, it just happens. LIFE happens. People will come into and out of your life on the regular, and I think we all to come to each other for different reasons. This beautiful fall weather and the excitement of the future has helped to remind me to slow down and be appreciative of everything I have, and that especially includes my friends past and present, who have all played a big role in my life. So thanks my loves.

I spent a great deal of time today thinking about weaving. My bobbin winder and heddle hook with be here Tuesday (yay!!!) and I plan on purchasing some yarn with the next paycheck. Fall reminds me very fondly of being in the study all night listening to music with the doors and windows open, letting the crisp cool breeze roll through while I used my hands and my talent to CREATE something. This is something I wish everyone could experience, but alas only very few of us do. Very sad. But I have my loom, my studio (pictures to come soon), and will be ready to begin working shortly. I can't wait to through on the tunes and start working my weaving patterns.

Here are the things I have been thinking on lately...

Much Love,
  -E

Restart

Yes, it has been a month. Sorry... and I was doing so well!

Anywho, good to be back on. Nothing life changing has happened, just general everyday life that gets in the way. I have been trying to get my apartment cleaned, get into graduate school (again), and get ready for FALL!! And now it's here, along with my birthday this weekend! I am really excited!! Plans- going home to Knoxville for fun times with the best friends I have ever had (shout out to Jessica, Megan, and Rusty) and chill out with the ever dysfunctional family that I wouldn't trade for the world.

I have recently gone back to primal living. What is this you ask?? Primal is just a way of living that honors what our bodies were designed to accomplish, and encourages us to be the healthiest we can. I did it for a month in May, and honestly felt amazing, so I'm back on it and am feeling great! I really enjoy finding new recipes and cooking amazingly healthy food that tastes great too!

My goals for October is a small list, but I'm pretty excited about it all

1) start a weaving project
2) finish Grad school application
3) get apartment cleaned, studio organized, room situated
4) find an awesome Halloween costume

4 things in a month, I think that is fairly do-able!!

Birthday presents??? Yarn please!!!

Much Love,
  -E

Tighten Up

It's 2 hours from the beginning of my Labor Day Weekend 2010. I could not be more excited about the events to be had in Knoxville:

1) CAMPING TRIP!! Me and the most amazing friends in the world are going camping at the Obed Scenic River. David and I are kayaking for sure, sitting around the campfire, talking, drinking some woodchuck, eatting camping food, smores, swimming, etc. I am so pumped about getting to see my friends this weekend and spend some quality outdoor time for the last summer weekend of 2010.

Why yes I will have one... of them all!

2) BOOMS DAY! Yes, this is the most amazing fireworks show of the year... even better than the 4th. And this year, I get to watch it on a boat on the river in front of Nealon Stadium downtown Knoxville! Pictures will follow.

BOOMS DAY! waterfall fireworks, may favorite

"We are the 3 best friends that anyone could have"

3) Dad's Birthday! My dad's birthday is on the 8th, so we will be celebrating this weekend! He doesn't know it yet though so it's a big surprise!!

I am really pumped to get off work (seriously come on 4:15... what's the hold up???), head on to get my love from Monterey, and head to the river with my best friends!

I hope you all have a FANTASTIC labor day weekend, and I hope the only thing you have to work on is your beer.

Much Love,
  -E

Clarity

For the past few months, I have become a pretty healthy eater. In part due to weight watchers, and in part due to my realization of the importance of the food we eat, and what we put in our bodies. I have cut out fried food, try not to eat out as much, each a lot of whole grain and veggies, and incorporate raw foods as much as possible. Well... last night David, Lindsey and myself went to Sam's on 21st for a few happy hour drinks. David and Lindsey ordered food, and I ate A TON of their french fries. I'm talking like the equivalent of 1.5 baskets almost. I have no idea why I did this, but around midnight last night, I was in the bathroom, throwing up. I was so sick! I got up for work this morning, and barely made it there, then as soon as I did, I threw up again! I ended up having to leave work for the day, and am still in bed with a cramping stomach. I chalked it up to food poisoning, because that is what happened to my body. I put this horrible food in it and it has rebelled. As soon as I can keep anything down I'm hitting a salad like no other. 

Ok, maybe not kill, but ouch

The culprit

I have learned my lesson when it comes to the food I used to eat. They are ok in moderation, but I cannot eat the way I used to, my body just cannot handle it, and frankly doesn't want to! From now on French fries will be forever replaced with home cooked baked sweet potatoes, or baked potato chips. 

If your interested in healthier eating check out the documentary Food Matters. It is amazing and really will shift your ideas on food, nutrition, and why we eat! (They don't recommend eating french fries either)

Much Love,

  -E

I'd Rather Be With You

Here is an interesting conundrum... How are 2 people who's entire relationship (3 1/2 years now) has been long distance supposed to co-habitate in the same space for 12 days? Now don't get me wrong, David and I have spent long periods of time together, this isn't new, but it's weird because this also isn't vacation. He is here for work all week, and I'm also working, so this is normal, everyday co-habitation. Eat dinner together, work around each other schedules, go to bed early, sort of normal everyday behavior. Now, David and I have normal everyday behavior, but it is more like that of a single person. I have my schedule, I have my groceries for the week, I have my own things going on, but as a couple we don't have a normal routine. We don't even eat the same types of food! David watches his favorite TV shows during the week, I don't have cable. I get all my food from the farmers market, David eats out a lot. I go to bed at 8 and get up at 4:30, David goes to bed at 10 and gets up at 6. I have my fitness class schedule to keep, and he doesn't like yoga. As you can see, should be interesting. And it's not even that I don't think we can live together. I think after doing this for a WHILE we could figure it out and work through it, but this is just a short little preview of what it might be like one day if we ever do get to live around/with each other. We are two people in a relationship who live like we are bachelors. I have no one else's schedule to keep but mine. I can eat a turkey sandwich for dinner at 5 or 10, whatever I want, and he can do the same. It really is such a give and take when you are sharing the same space. But, at the same time I believe it is crucial to continue with your own schedule to some degree, keep doing the things YOU love as an individual and let your partner do the same. If you spend all your waking time together what do you talk about?? 

David and I did live together one time. It seems like AGES ago. We met in March of 2007, on spring break (I know, you don't even have to say it) in Panama City Beach (again, I know). We are the couple that NEVER should have worked out... you can decide for yourself how it all went down, but I'm not going to divulge all the details. What happens in PCB stays in PCB. ;) so anyway, it was March 4th when we met, and that day has become our anniversary. We were completely inseparable. He came to me at the right time in my life, and I to him. I would love to say it was all romantic love at first sight, but not so much. He was supposed to leave right after we got there, but he stayed to catch my attention. I was not interested. Nothing against David, but I just got out of a nasty break up and just didn't want to deal with ANY man. But he was persistent and stayed the week. It wasn't long before I really started falling hard. We spent the entire week together, then vacation was over and it was time to go home. He left a day early to go visit a friend and we had a date planned for the next evening, back in Cookeville. We texted all night and I was excited and nervous and basically ecstatic for our first date. My car left early the next morning to head home over the long 9 hour drive. We were all in 3 cars, and all ended up getting separated and driving different routes. I chose the wrong route. I-65 straight up through Alabama = HUGE wreck, and a 6 1/2 hour delay in stand still traffic. I was devastated. David was living and working in Nashville at the time, so no date. I finally got to Cookeville around midnight, dropped off my friends and headed home. When I got there he was sitting on my porch. He stayed with me all week, but on Thursday, I was flying to New York for a conference, and on Sunday, he was moving to Miami. So I flew off Thursday, terrified of what was going to happen with us. When I got back the next week he was already gone. He left a gift on my porch before he moved. It was an antique camera, watercolor paper, new brushes and paint, and a card. 

So this began our first round of long distance. David and I spent the first 3 months of our relationship trying to get to know each other through e-mails, letters, phone conversations and text messages. I will say, it was the most romantic time of our relationship. We were both really falling in love, and I got to learn more about him than I would have if he had been here. We had to learn how to communicate with each other in a real way, so I am very appreciative of this time. In those 3 months we saw each other 3 times. The first being Easter. He flew home and this was the first time I realized I was in love with him. The second, St Augustine. I woke up one friday and decided I had to see him. So I skipped class and drove 10 hours to Florida, and he drove up 8 from Miami and we stayed in a crappy little cheap hotel and had the most amazing time. The third, I flew to Miami. I HATE to fly, so this says something about how much I wanted to be with him. 

I got off the plane in Miami, and he took me to his "house". David was working for Rutger's University in the everglades on a bird conservation project. So, he was staying in a rangers cabin with some other employees. He had the tiniest little twin bed, in a dorm sized room. We spent a week visiting the keys, driving through Miami, and just basically relishing the fact that after 3 months we got to see each other for more than 2 days. The David threw in the biggest curve ball (not to date, he has outdone this since then but at the time HUGE!) I was supposed to fly out on a Thursday, back to Panama City Beach to meet my friend Eve, then drive back to Tennessee with her. On Tuesday night David said, "what if I came back with you?" I laughed and told him not to tease me and that was all he said about it. Little did I know, he had already turned in his notice at work. The next night he told me he had quit, I helped him pack up all his belongings, we loaded down the jeep, and I never made my flight out the next day. 

When we got back from Miami, we decided that he would stay with me for a few weeks till he found a place of his own. After 3 months, we decided my house was as good as any, and it was nice to have his help on the rent. So from May to November we lived together with my roommate Lindsey in our 3 bedroom rented house in Cookeville. He went back to work with the water plant, and I was in school. We hit our rough patches of course, but we made it through. 

In mid November, I caught him on the internet looking at jobs in coastal Mississippi. I was so angry. I walked out of the room and immediately went into the bathroom, locked the door and took a shower. *the bathroom is my hiding place when i get angry. don't know why, but it always has been* 2 weeks later, he flew to Biloxi for a job interview, and he moved January 1, 2008. This started the 2 1/2 year, 8 1/2 hour separation. 

Biloxi is another story for another blog, but we survived it. David got a job in May with the Tennessee Bureau of Investigations, and has moved to Memphis. so we are still dealing with long distance, and what seems like eternal separation, but at least now we get to see each other ever weekend. This week is the closest to really living together we have gotten on 3 years, and I am just hoping it goes smoothly, but if not, it won't be the worst thing that has ever happened to us. Now when I come home cranky from work, he can't just get off the phone or visa-versa, we actually have to deal with each other... 

Much Love,

  -E

Something Beautiful

Here are some of my favorite things...

I hope you all have a beautiful weekend!

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not"- Ralph Waldo Emerson


Much Love,
 -E

Sweet Disposition

I think sometimes you meet people and they change you. Something shifts and your different. Your views have changed, or you have suddenly truly experienced seeing life from someone else's eyes. This happens to me a lot in my line of work. I am constantly meeting patients who inspire me to be better, and optimistic. Sometimes you meet patients who exemplify exactly what you don't want to become. Today I had the privilege of meeting an 80 year old woman, who looked not a day older than 65. She was sharp as a tack, and beautiful. I asked her how she does it, and she responded "Live cleanly, and don't take pills". I loved it! What a wonderful inspiration for life. "Live cleanly". What exactly does this mean? You decide for yourself, but for me it means, live happily, open, and lovingly. Take care of your body, and of those around you. Be kind to people, and keep hatred out of your focus. I believe life is too short to spend your time focusing on so many negative things.

I am constantly meeting those exceptional people. Everyday I come into the life of someone who will probably not remember me when the consent form is returned in the mail, but who I will remember forever. It keeps me going somedays. When I got this job, I was so focused on being respectful and courteous to these patients, because I come in at such a fragile state in their life... but I then realized really they are coming to me in my fragile state. They are sick, and here so that a capable doctor can fix them, make it better, and make all the pain go away. But in real life, when your not sick, where are the capable doctors to fix everything? Who do we, the healthy people, turn to to make it all better?

I think we can do a lot for ourselves. We can choose to eat healthy and exercise, not smoke or drink, smile more and do things for ourself to make us happy and balanced. But at some point, we have to realize we can't do everything on our own. Sometimes, we need help. It is at these times when I encourage you to turn to your friends, and trust in God. I have lived through so many things in my short life, and there have been times when I have tried to carry it all... and it just doesn't work. When my mother passed away, I tried to take control, fix the family, clean the house, cook the meals, arrange the funeral, and keep everyone happy. I tried to be the captain, but eventually I had to give it all up. When I returned to school a short month later, I broke down, and just let it all go. I leaned on my sorority sisters, my friends, and just finally put it all in God's capable hands. I don't know what you believe, I don't know what your ideas involve, but I know that in times of health, but crisis, there are no doctors to fix everything. Of course things don't get better overnight. it takes time and work, but I encourage you to stop, and give yourself a break. Let Him take your burdens and help you work through them. Your not alone in anything, ever. This is one of the biggest lessons I have learned since I started my job. Even when you think no one cares, you might have just touched the life of a young research analyst, who will remember and think of you always. We will never truly know what impact we leave behind with someone. You might have changed a life today.

I am constantly reaching out. Trying to make connections with others, and learn their story. I think we all have a story to tell. We have all experienced something significant. Just imagine if we communicated that with each other more! I would love to know my friends better, and I want them to know me better. So I encourage you this weekend, to really reach out to someone. Have an actual conversation! Write a letter to a friend, or a stranger! Tell your story to someone, and really listen to theirs. You might just learn something new about yourself in the process!

Much Love,
  -E

Love Like Crazy

So.. last night was the Ulcerative Colitis and Crohn's benefit concert Bud's-N-Sud's... there was some discussion between Lindsey and I on what exactly this meant either a) bud's (friends) and sud's (drinks of the fizzy adult nature) OR b) bud's( drinks of the fizzy adult nature) and sud's (some weird foam party we were unaware of). Either way it was a blast! It was downtown on Division Street at Loser's Bar which is right next to Winner's Bar. We are very cleaver with our bar names here in Nashville ;).

As I had mentioned previously, Lindsey is with Greg, Greg is Lee Brice's tour manager, and Lee Brice was headlining the show... so naturally we were cool enough to be on "a list". So me and Lindsey and Adam the Intern headed that way around 7 after a nice dinner at my apartment, prepapred by yours truly. Now Adam the Intern is a divinity student who is interning at the church Lindsey works at, we call him Adam the Intern because Lindsey likes to nick-name people, and it's catchy. So we arrive at Loser's, park the car, and head towards the door. Now, proper "I'm on the list" etiquette is unknown to, well all of us... so after a lengthy discussion (and walk from the car) we decided to just be sweet and classic. Lindsey approached the table that said "VIP" and said "Excuse me but I'm on the list" the guy looked at her, looked down at the table (covered in lists) and said "Which one?" ummmmm silence. Lindsey responded very cooly "I am on the list for Lee Brice" and sure enough there it was LINDSEY GRISSOM +3!!! We're in!!

Lindsey and Adam the Intern

So we get our signature hand sharpie check marks, and head through the gate. The night was pretty chill, standing around having a couple of Bud's, or Sud's depending on your interpretation... talking and enjoying the music. The shows were great and the benefit was awesome! I hope they were able to raise their goal amount. Lee was last in the line-up. Greg did great with the sound! We know the band members because they sometimes frequent Sunday night cookout's at Gregs and it was so weird seeing our "friends" up on stage! Great job guys!! After the show was over, I HAD to go home... it was 12:15 A.M. and I have to leave for work at 5:30 A.M. so I headed home to sleep soundly for 4 hours before my normal 10 hour work day... but it was worth it!

* Funny Story- so I was standing on the porch behind the stage, talking to Lindsey, and turned around to see the most fabulous/awful piece of clothing I have ever personally witnessed. It was a day glow orange, polyester, short sleeved, button up, collard shirt, with cobra heads in a row aross the front chest that wrapped around the back. Underneath the cobra heads was a row of 70's style black male caricatures with afros and gold chains, and then below them, another row of cobra heads!!! It was magically disturbing... so what did we do? we got a picture with him!

Check out that pattern!

**Story is not over yet! So after we get over the shock and pure joy of seeing this... we are standing in the crowd watching the show and low and behold what do we see... but ANOTHER GUY WEARING THIS SAME SHIRT! No kidding! He was probably about 20 years younger, and just seriously trying to rock it... my mind was blown and my night- complete.

Lindsey, I am going to buy you this shirt for Christmas...

I love that the longer I am in Nashville, the more I feel that I am gaining friendships, and experiences we will always remember. I think it just always takes time to make connections, and I am so glad that I'm starting to put down some roots here! Cheers!

Much love,
  -E

F-Stop Blues

If your feeling the blues...

Don't you wanna be a pepper too?

Delicious! =) Have a wonderful Thursday everyone! I'll be posting about last nights adventures later today!

Much Love,
  -E

Yellow

Good Afternoon! So I'm at work (on my lunch break), and am just thinking about all the things that are coming up, and how I LOVE fall. On my bike ride to work this morning it was cool and crisp, and I was watching the sun rise as I peddled up and down the hills of downtown Nashville. It was beautiful. September is just around the corner, and I couldn't be more excited!

E's Top 10 Fall Pics (in no particular order):

1) UT football..... ok please let me first say that yes, the Vols have had a rough last year on and off the field but mostly off. But Rocky Top will always be my home sweet home.

2) My Birthday! October 10th, put it on your calendar =) I'll be 24

3) Halloween- gotta love a night where adults are supposed to act like kids

4) Changing of the leaves- coming from the smokies, it's almost a religious experience watching the leaves change each year. Can't wait!

5) Sweaters, and fall clothes in general- there is nothing like currling up in your favorite sweater in front of a campfire with good friends. I'm just sad I wear scrubs everyday...

6) Camping- now camping in the summer is awesome, but it gets soo hot and sticky and miserable, camping in the early fall is perfect. And I'm going Labor day weekend!

7) Fall flavored coffee's and ciders- Hello first spiced chi of the year!!

8) Christmas Lights- yes... in east TN I am used to chrsitmas lights going up WAY before Christmas... sometimes they just don't come down at all.

9) Chilli- you can eat chilli anytime of the year, but its never as good as it is in the fall.

10) Running outside- who wants to run when the heat index is 116? not this girl...

I just found out today that I am going to the beach in September! Thank goodness! I very much need a vacation... we are going to Orange Beach, Alabama for 5 days. We got a condo on the beach, and I plan on doing pretty much nothing. I won't have enough money for shopping so I'm going to devote the week to the last of summer tans, reading some books (leave me some ideas), and perfecting some culinary feats in the kitchen. Since I won't have enough money to eat out, I plan on cooking all but maybe 1 or 2 meals! Look out Lindsey, you are my new guinnea pig =). I think it will be a wonderful opportunity to just relax and recouperate and celebrate the summer of 2010 one last time!

Tonight I am going to Bud's and Sud's, a benefit concert for Ulcerative Colitis and Crohn's.. It's at Loser's downtown and I am just cool enough to be on the list, ok well Lindsey is on the list but I am a designated +1. Greg is tour managing for Lee Brice and they are playing tonight! Maybe I'll even bust out one of those fall sweaters to mark the occasion...I can't wait... and before that I'm making dinner- on the menu: mexican grilled chicken with guacamole and baked sweet potato fries! Yummy

Love it! Enjoy!

Much Love,
  -E

World Spins Madly On

So, it's monday, which is my day off. I work 4-10's so I only work Tuesday-Friday. It's an amazing schedule and I love it, but every Monday, I end up sitting at home all day alone, doing nothing, and eventually get lost in thought. Today, I got very nostalgic. Next week is my alma matters first day back to class. Everyone is moving back to Cookeville with anticipation for the coming semester, and what it will bring, and I can't help but feel sad. I miss that feeling, that the best time of my life is still ahead. Knowing that I am only days away from beginning a new class where I will eventually learn so much, meeting new people, and growing in who I am and what my life will be. I miss being surrounded by people I love, who make me laugh, and bring me up when I am down. I miss walking to class in the fall, breathing the crisp cool air on campus, being surrounded my academics and bustling life. I miss all of it. It is very difficult to transition from that life, to the next faze. I now live in an amazing city, and I have a wonderful job which is going to help me move forward in my career and has already helped me to better myself and my knowledge of the world and where I fit in. I have a great apartment, with a wonderful roommate who is great to talk to and helps keep me sane. I have a wonderful friend who I spend a majority of my time with and am blessed to have her. I love her honesty and willingness to just be herself (Lindsey, this is your shout-out!!). But yet, life has changed dramatically, and it's all new and fresh and scary. My comfort zone is gone, the walls have been torn down and I am exposed. I have direction, and yet am completely lost most days. I have friends, and am still very lonely. In college, you are thrown into a world full of people your age, all open to new experiences and making new friends. Everyone is just there. Once your out, its very difficult to find your place, and make those life long connections that just came so easily when you were 18. Professors and grades, have been replaced with bosses and performance evaluations. Classes where we learned something new everyday, has now become performing the same job everyday. Nights out have now turned into dinner alone and going to bed at 8:30 so I can make it up at 4:30 for work the next morning. How do we move from adolescence to adulthood and yet still keep that bright eyed bushy-tale optimism we had that first day of class?

Freshman year, bid day- Just the beginning

I have found over the past 3 months since college ended, that I am more capable of taking care of myself than I had previously imagined. I can actually budget my money and wake up before dawn to go to work. I can perform a job in a field I was previously ignorant of, and I can excel. I can make decisions for myself and ultimately live with the consequences. I am capable, we are all capable. At the end of the day, we decide what we want to be and how we want our lives to play out, and at the beginning of the day, we decide how we will react to the inevitable happenings that we will encounter. We are all still in the same boat, even if it is less obviously organized.

No matter what, inevitably some things will never change.

I miss my former life, I miss the past 5 years. Even though I experienced some of the most significant milestones and tragedies I will ever live through, I am blessed, because they made me who I am today. So this is the time to move forward, to embrace the truly unknown and remember that 5 years from now, I will be looking back on this time and dearly missing it as well. We cannot dwell in the past, because if we do, we will miss the beauty of the future. So when you feel sad, lonely, and lost, remember we are all there to some extent, you are never truly alone, and something great is always just around the corner. You just have to be open to it, because no matter what, the world always spins madly on.

Graduation day with one of the most amazing people I have ever met.

Much Love,
 -E

Mixtape

Hello blogging friends... I am a very bad blogger. This has become apparent to me. =/ sorry, I can't promise it will get better, but im really really going to try! So in the past month ish, things have been progressing nicely! Where to start???

OK so, I have really started to find myself as a Nashvillian. I am a member at Climb Nashville now! I LOVE it! I climb about 2-3 times a week and go to Yoga on Monday's and Thursday's. My Thursday yoga instructor is AMAZING! Cool Yoga Dude's class will completely kick your butt, but you feel wonderful when you leave! I am also becoming a regular at some of my favorite Nashville hotspots... for those of you who love FroYo, check out Sweet Cece's. I also hit up Sam's frequently, and have Sunday night cookouts and my friend Greg's house! I am finally starting to feel like I fit in, and am making a path formyself in this big city!

NEWSFLASH- This is a big update, so keep reading! I have been thinking about my plans for the future, ya know that time after Grad School. I am going to have a lot of debt (60,000+) and am still going to want to move forward with my PhD. I probably shouldn't post this, but I trust you guys... I am seriously, seriously considering joinging the Navy! It is a really good idea for me, I can go in with a speciality, work in a field that I am very interested in, as a Navy PhD Counselor working with sailors and families through grief and loss and post-traumatic stress disorder. It's not a definite, but I kinda figure why not? It's something I want to do, and you only live once right? I'll keep y'all updated =)

Now, my job... I just hit my 90 days! yay!!! I am eagerly waiting for my review and hopefully the subsequent raise that comes along with it.

This is where I work all day!

Most awesome mouse pad ever...

Look, my name is on an office door!

So theres a little sneak peak into 40 hours of my week! I am really enjoying what I do, and am looking forward to getting even better and more comfortable in my position...Research Analyst I (hoping to be a II one day)

Weight Watchers update... so I slacked, big time for a couple of weeks, and so have since the last post, only gotten down to 152.4 This is 14.4.lbs down from my original start weight. I am hoping to drop below 150 in the next 3 weeks!

Living the good life- note this was a night where I went WAY over my points ;)

New Developments- I now have a pen pal! I am very excited about this retro passtime... I even ordered some sweet new stationary... I am pumped. So if my new pen pal is reading this- You Rock! I even have started a budget... I keep it on an excel file on the jump drive on my keychain. I have done pretty good so far about keeping up with it and am hoping I can really focus on building my savings. We will see how it goes, but so far it has really helped me out.

Well folks, I PROMISE I will update at least once a week from now on... So keep tuned, I have some interesting things comming up! Preview- I am wanting to start my own 365 day project... check out my amazing inspiration!

Much Love,
-E

After Tonight

Hello friends! I can't believe it has been since June 18th since i last posted! Feels like i just did it the other day! Anywho, I had an amazing weekend with David for the 4th and per my request we did not go to visit his parents. Now let me explain... I LOVE David's family. they are amazing people and will do anything for anyone, but every time David comes in town we go to visit them, and I was so excited to have a weekend where it was just us! I love spending time with them, but I also love spending time with him. So, instead of going to visit the rents we went hiking, to the movies, out with friends, watched the fireworks, and took long naps in the day. It was fabulous and only made me wish he was here with me more. Sunday, we went to Hermitage down to the lake so he could get some grave for his aquarium. We stopped at McDonalds (don't worry, took my Weight Watchers book with me and stayed on point) and had a little picnic by the water. We spent so much time talking all weekend it was really nice. I am always amazed at how candidly and open we can be with each other, and how we are very much on the same page. We drove around and looked at houses we liked and talked about the future. No plans were made, more of out loud uncensored day dreaming on both out parts, which is more than fine with me at this juncture.

Which brings me to my next topic... GRADUATE SCHOOL! In some ways this is the most exciting phrase in my vocabulary currently, and in others, the most looming. I so desperately want to go to grad school. I know exactly what I want to do. I want to go into Counseling and get my masters and Licensure of Professional Counseling (LPC) and Mental Health Licensure. Here's the problems thus far...

1) when should I begin? ASAP would be my ideal answer but I want to work for a while. I can always work and go part time, but do I really want to do that right now? Would it make more sense to wait a year or two after I have gained some real world experience and begin, or start now and go at it slowly? Also, so I want to wait for 2 more years before i start really? I'l be 26 when i start the almost 30 when I'm out...

2) Where should I go? I wanted to go to Vanderbilt SO BAD, and when I didn't get in it really sucked. But in ways it opened more doors for me and I am glad in the long run that I am not starting there in the fall. Now I am also looking at David Lipsomb University. Then there is always MTSU, and Treveca. At first I said "who care about the name? It's the education that matters" now I seem to be all comsumed by the idea that if I don't choose the best school with the most recognizable name that I am somehow failing?? I have always been a bit of an over-acheiver, but even I am finding this idea completely ridiculous. 

So there you have it, my current inner drama. Right now I know it is most important for me to figure out what I want to do, where I am going, and who I want to become. I want to focus on me, I want to do whats right for me. How many years of our lives are we granted the opportunity to , as my good friend Anna said, be so self indulgent? How many years do we get to be independent, and flighty with no regard to a husband or children? Not that many, and I want to take advantage of this time, which brings me to my third major kink...

3) No matter how much of this independence I keep searching for, I will always plan for David in the equation. This is not a bad thing mind you, its just something else I take into account. I am so desperately, pathetically in love with him, and I will always consider his feelings, stance, and goals for himself when planning for mine. I know he will give me all the space in the world for me to accomplish my goals, but I want to make sure that when I set out to do this, he is thought of. I don't want to do the long distance thing anymore, and I eventually would like to have what resembles a normal see-each-other-on-a-daily-basis relationship. So, when I start making plans for my future I try to remember that it's his future too. 

So yeah, I don't know whats going to happen in the next few years, but I do know that I have a stable job that pays enough to survive on, a wonderful relationship with someone who adores me as much as I adore him and will give me the freedom i need to accomplish my goals, and that I am blessed beyond measure at the opportunities before me. I'm just hoping that the rest will all fall into place.

On a very off subject side note, Weight Watchers!! I lost 3more lbs putting me officially down to 153.6 13.2 lbs down from the original start on May 15th at 166.8. I missed my meeting last week cause I was sick, so I'm hoping when I go this thursday, Debbie will have good news from the scales. I'll let you know!!

Much Love,

-E

Breathe Your Name

Hello friends! Well I have been extremely productive today! I slept in (ahh-mazing!) getting up at 4:30 every morning is starting to wear me down a bit. Then I packed up all my dirty laundry... I had like 7 loads! I counted out all the change in my change jar, 34.46! I packed up my car and went off. First stop, the bank, then the post office, then Krogers, then the laundry mat. Now, I don't know how many of you frequent a laundry mat, but it can be quite an interesting experience. Take today for example... I brought in all my laundry, freaked out about the prices (seriously $5 to use a washing machine??), then I sat down. I noticed a little boy sitting near me. He was about 7, a red head, cute little freckles, a white wife beater tank top, skinny jeans, and flip flops... basically I was sitting next to a baby hipster! He was playing video games on an iPod touch, which I later found out he got for his birthday... I then proceeded to learn that he was a broadway actor from New York traveling with the Beauty and the Beast show currently playing at TPAC. Ohh yeah, and he's naturally a brunette! So funny! I was listening to him tell me his life story, and I was amazed. This little kid has accomplished quite a lot in his short 7 years on this earth. then it made me kind of sad for him too... what kind of childhood is that? Traveling around, living out of hotels, WORKING!! I hope I don't see him 20 years from now on one of those VH1 specials on screwed up child stars.

After my laundry was finished, I headed home for some much needed cleaning. now if you know me well, you know that I HATE cleaning. But i buckled down today, quit complaining, and cleaned the kitchen, did all the dishes, cleaned the living room, the bathroom, and finally my room. I also reorganized all my clothes, and sorted through some boxes! I got a lot done! Now im sitting in the kitchen baking cupcakes for David's birthday! Tonight I am taking him on a special surprise date... he doesn't know where we are going but i'll tell u guys. At Cheekwood Botanical Gardens right now they are having an exhibit from a man named Chihuly, he is a glass blower and has put up a huge installation in the gardens. Cheekwood is showing his exhibit by day, and by night! At night its all lit up, and you can walk through the gardens and see the work, I have heard it is absolutely, breathtakingly amazing! I'll let u know how it goes!!

So weight watchers update! The first week I lost 1.8 lbs, and last week I only lost .2. It's not much but its a start and I know why my weight loss wasn't so great last week, so i'm going to be better about tracking, and watching the snack foods. But hey .2 is still a loss so I'm excited! I really like the eating plan so far, its pretty simple once you get used to the points system, and I am finding lots of new recipes that are really yummy and fit into my points allowance! Here are 3 of my new favorites!

White Cupcakes:
1 box Dunkin Heines white cake mix
1 jar Dunkin Heines whipped white frosting
1 can Fresca

Mix cake mix and Fresca together. Place cupcake paper cups in cupcake pan. Fill cups 2/3 full of batter. Bake at 325 for 20 minutes. Let cool and cover with 1 tbsp of whipped frosting! Makes 24 cupcakes. Total Weight Watchers Points: 3

Turkey Snack Wrap:
1 Ole' Tortilla (you can find them at Kroger)
6 slices shaved sandwich turkey
Spinach
Kroger Brand Honey Mustard (the generic brand with only 10 calories per serving)

Place honey mustard, spinach and turkey on wrap. Roll up and enjoy!
Total Weight Watchers Points: 2


Turkey Burgers:
1 Jennie'O frozen turkey burger
1 Arnold's honey wheat roll
spinach
Green tomato
Onions
Dale's seasoning

Place Jennie'O frozen turkey burger in skillet with light veggie oil. Add Dales to taste. Slice green tomatoes and cook with burger. Let burger cook for approximately 7 minutes on each side. Place burger on Arnold's Bun with spinach and onions. Top with cooked green tomato slices.
Total Weight Watchers Points: 5


Hope you guys get a chance to try some of these quick and delicious recipes! If you do let me know what you think!

Much Love,
  -E

Redeeming Love

Hello friends... happy hump day! I have lierally run out of things to do at work, so I figured this would be as good a time as any to update!

I just finished, for the 2nd time, the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. Please if you havn't read it, please drop everything your doing (after u finish this post of course) and go buy it! It is one of the best books I have ever read. The premisis on the surface is about a young woman, Angel, in the mid 1800's who was sold into prostitution as a young child. She is living in a brothel basically in slavery. Michael, a farmer from a town near where she lives, comes into town one day to sell his produce and see's her. When he does, he realizes that this is the woman God has chosen for him to be his wife. He procedes to try and convince Angel that he is different from the other men she has known in her life and to leave with him. He finally gets her out of the brothel and marries her. The rest of the book centers around his struggles to get her to stay and trust and find the Lord. The book is such as amazing testament to God's overwhelming and never failing love for us. You compare the main characters relationship to that of God's love and devotion for the lost. No matter what you have done, are doing, believe or don't believe, God is always waiting for you to come to him, believe in him, and reach for him. He forgives all things! It is such an amazing read, if you do or have read it leave me a comment about your thoughts!

The book also brings up another subject that has been weighing on my mind lately... marriage. No I'm not getting married, in fact David and I aren't even talking about it. What I mean is the entire idea, and premises of marriage. Why do people get married and what is it all supposed to truly mean? How do you know when your ready to get married, and what does God say about it? I don't really know why it has entered my mind so heavily recently. I assume it has something to do with everyone I know getting married. Ok, not everyone but a lot of them. Here is what I do know...

I want to get married one day
I want a FIREPROOF marriage
I want to be my husbands world, and I want him to be mine
I don't want to get married until I know that its about a MARRIAGE, not a WEDDING!!

The rest of it though, is just so confusing. Redeeming Love, exemplifies the kind of marriage I want. Michael is so deeply in love with Angel, he prays for her, guides her, trusts her, and believes in her. Yes they argue, and yes its not always easy, but he never gives up on her. I want that so bad. I dont ever want to go through what my parents went through. I believe that human being ARE supposed to be monogamous. I don't know if I believe there is only one person for everyone, but I believe that God will lead you to someone he has chosen for you if you just trust and have faith in his timing and will. But how do you know when you have truly found this person? I believe it can be very difficult to separate your wants from God's will when it comes to relationships. When you feel so in love with someone, how can you distinguish if thats God's will or yours?

This book is also set in a much different time. It was easier, not as hurried, and much less complicated. You found someone, you fell in love, got married and stayed together. Divorce wasn't very popular, and although cheating has always existed, it wasn't as easily accomplished. Now we have cell phones, computers, iPads, txt messaging, e-mail, snail mail... you get the idea. How do you have an 1850's marriage in the 2010's?

I don't have the answers to all these questions... but I do know what I want eventually. I do know that if I just have faith, believe, and wait, that my prayers and desires will be answered one day in some fashion. It is hard though, and i think especially hard here in the South. Getting married is all anyone my age talks about and does. At 23, I feel behind the 8 ball because I'm not married, or engaged. I think here it is a status symbol, a special priveledge saved for the best and most beautiful southern belles and their southern gentlemen. The rest of us... who knows where we fall. But I have never been one to do something just because everyone else is doing it, and luckily I have someone who loves me just the way I am. We are in no hurry to take the plunge, and we know that it will come for both of us one day, whether its together or not. But I do know that when that day does come, I will marry the love of my life and best friend.

Much Love,
 -E

Along The Wall

So I fixed up the layout... I liked the other one but I needed a change... I don't know if I'll keep this one or not just trying it out for now!

So tonight is my first official Weight Watchers meeting. I'm getting all my information tonight and start bright and early tomorrow! I am really really excited, but also nervous. I feel like over the past 5 years I have hidden behind this person I am today, hidden behind my imperfections and short comings that I knew I could change and improve, but have chosen not to out of fear or self loathing. I have basically told myself for a long time that i don't deserve to be my best, I don't deserve to feel good about myself, but I'm so tired of hating on myself. If I don't make the necessary steps to treat myself right how can I ever expect anyone else to treat me right??? I am ready for this change, but still scared of having nothing to hide behind anymore. I can't make excuses anymore. I really want to be the best person I can be and this is where it starts, here with me , now, today. It's not a vanity thing, I'm not doing this to get attention or to make other people think better about me, I'm doing this for myself. I want to feel better and BE better, and right now I know I'm not living up to that potential I have... besides you are only young once, and I feel like I should use my youthfullness to it's fullest extent!

Fun fact today: Did you know that monkey's always open bananas from the bottom? The top is too unreliable, but a banana will ALWAYS peel from the bottom! Try it =)

Much Love,
 -E

June

Hey all! I'm at work right now waiting on a staff meeting and thought I would update! I'm going to work on my layout today, so tell me what you think when it's done... I think the text is just a little hard to read.

Hope everyone had a great memorial day weekend! I went kayaking with David and hiking and swimming and camping... it was awesome! 4 day weekends never last as long as you think they will. Being back at work is nice though, I really love my job. Everyday I feel more confident in what I'm doing and am learning ALOT. on a side note if you want to see something funny go to http://www.neuticles.com/! so funny.

My computer at work is currently down. They decided it needed to be rebuilt and the IT guy came yesterday and ripped her guts out and left and I havn't seen him since. he said he would be back to fix her around 11 today and well, I think he's late. I just got a new mousepad and calendar in the mail yesterday so im sad I have to sit at another desk right now... im going to bring some flowers and a vase and some other office decorations with me tomorrow and I'll post a picture of my work area once its fixed up!

So I've been running and riding my bike a lot and I'm down 9 lbs from 2 weeks ago! I started at 166 and am not at 157. My doctor has me on a crazy restrictive diet for a condition I have called Candida... google it it's pretty interesting (gross). The diet is only for another week and a half, and I start Weight Watchers TOMORROW!!! I'm so pumped... I don't think I'll know what to do with myself once i reach my goal weight (135). Guess we will just have to wait and see what happens with it all!

Much Love,
  -E

Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes!!!

OMG it has been over 2 months since I last posted! Sorry everyone... I am going to be better about this... promise (maybe =D)... so much has happened so here a shortened list...

1) Finished student teaching
2) GRADUATED from TTU
3) Got my first adult big kid job at Vanderbilt University Medical Center
4) David got a job in Memphis and has already moved out of Biloxi!!! YAY!!
5) New apartment downtown with a new awesome roomie!!
6) my job has benefits!! so i now have dental and vision insurance and yes I AM SO EXCITED!!
7) found a new church that I love and am working through some personal issues to become a more Godly woman and live my life according to HIS PLAN!!!

My life has taken so many turns in the past 2 months and has finally started on a straighter path that is turning out to be an amazing journey! I am working to become the best person I possibly can be and working through some personal demons that have affected me in every avenue of my life up until now.

When I started this blog the purpose was to track my working out and running journeys, hoping to be held accountable and stay on track... well that hasn't happened. As most of you know I have been on a continual roller coaster trying desperately to lose weight and be healthy fit and comfortable in my own skin. I currently sit at 159 but my goal weight is 135, a number I haven't seen since high school. It wasn't until the other day that I got "The Rude Awakening" as you might call it. It came in the form of a book called Women, Food and God. I have yet to read it but by just reading the excerpt I was floored. The book centers around women's struggles to lose weight and constant battles with food. Who did that remind me of?? ME! So I read the article and swear I think the woman wrote the book for me. It spoke about how we will never have the life we want, the body we want, the health we want until we can truly face our personal issues head on and deal with them and stop using our vices to cover them up... wow true that. For years I have used vices to deal with my problems, problems with family (don't get me started), friends, image, worthiness, love, and trust. I have used food, alcohol, cigarettes, and even my studio work as a cover up. Everyone wants their life to seem to everyone else as amazing. "Things are going great an I've never been happier", but in reality we all have issues we struggle with and very few of us actually deal with them! Thats what I am going to start doing. Instead of punishing and blaming myself for my issues, im going to start working through them one by one, and as I do this I am going to start taking better care of myself and treating my body like the temple God created it to be. Does this mean I won't go out and have a few drinks with my friends? NO!! I want to still have fun and be social and I do like to drink, but I'm going to only go out when its because I want to have fun and am in a good place... not because I had a bad day or am feeling fat (cause alcohol really makes you feel skinny?? haha dumb) or because I'm trying to avoid a problem and am trying to just make it go away. Doing anything for the wrong reason never got me anywhere, and its sad that at 23 I'm just now realizing this.

I had a really amazing conversation with a good friend the other afternoon. We were sitting by the pool laying out after church and a great mexican lunch, and we starting discussing life outside of college. In reality, I (and my friend) are both extremely lucky!! We both have good jobs, amazing apartments with low rent and living costs, good friends, and are pretty much carefree. I really don't worry about to much these days. I go to a job I love every morning (even thought its 4:00 when I wake up) and then when I get home I'm done... no homework, no worrying about bills cause my job pays my bills, just really carefree. I have my nights and weekends to do as I please, and spend my days helping people and working for a great cause towards better cancer research and treatments. so in a nut shell i'm very blessed, and I have never really given much thought or thanks to God for this. Because of Him I am blessed, he has given me this life, and i'm not going to take advantage of it anymore.

So over next next few months of living and blogging, I'll be working through my issues, growing stronger in my walk with Christ, and working on myself. I went to see a vitamin doctor and have been eating better, taking loads of vitamins everyday, and I ride my bike to work! I am really working towards living the best life possible!! so stay tuned for more as this new journey unfolds!

Much Love
- E

Where am I going???

      Hello all, well things here have been busy! So much has happened since the last time I wrote so this will be a long one. Im living in Nashville, trying to make plans for the future. I found out the other day that I didn't get into Vanderbilt for grad school, which sucks, but I'm staying positive that God will provide and show me his will. Obviously I didn't get in for some reason, now I just have to figure out what that is. I'm hoping to really start a life here, but right now that seems like a strange concept. I feel in limbo and I hate that. I'm moving downtown close to 21st and Belmont and I'm super excited for that, I just hope that things start to feel more normal soon. Right now it all feels weird and chaotic. I'm working at a job I don't like and decided to quit and finish out the school year and focus on me for a bit. I hope this was the best decision, and I feel like it is. I miss my friends and my comfortable familiar life in Cookeville, but I have to move forward and have some life experiences on my own. I'm hoping to find a full time job after Graduation and get settled into a routine here, make some friends, and some progress.
      David is trying to get a job back here in Nashville, and I am praying everyday that it happens soon. I really feel like we are at that point where we need to be able to spend time together and see each other on a normal basis, this long distance stuff just is not cool. I daydream about the time we will get to spend together when he's here. We can go on dates and just be able to spend quality time together and I know David will be so much happier in Tennessee, and I will be much more happy with him here. He just calms me and helps me be more centered and not freak out about the little things I can't change. We are so different from each other, but its a good different. David doesn't worry about anything and I worry about everything! I miss him every day. I thought it would be a good idea to move there if I didn't get into Grad school, but after we talked about it a bit I decided that it would be best to stay here. =( I am sad though that I don't know how much longer this is all going to last. Hopefully not to much longer.
      Im trying to stay positive about everything and work through all the changes. My anxiety levels have been out the roof lately, just feeling panicky and nervous all the time. I'm hoping that after i start at my next placement and get back into a routine I will feel better about it all. I move into my new place next weekend and I'm excited to get in and decorate and make it a comfy home! Please pray for me and the next couple of months! I hope that God will just show me the way and help me to find a purpose in this crazy life! I know I'm meant to do something good and meaningful... now just to figure out what that is!
-Em