OMG it has been over 2 months since I last posted! Sorry everyone... I am going to be better about this... promise (maybe =D)... so much has happened so here a shortened list...
1) Finished student teaching
2) GRADUATED from TTU
3) Got my first adult big kid job at Vanderbilt University Medical Center
4) David got a job in Memphis and has already moved out of Biloxi!!! YAY!!
5) New apartment downtown with a new awesome roomie!!
6) my job has benefits!! so i now have dental and vision insurance and yes I AM SO EXCITED!!
7) found a new church that I love and am working through some personal issues to become a more Godly woman and live my life according to HIS PLAN!!!
My life has taken so many turns in the past 2 months and has finally started on a straighter path that is turning out to be an amazing journey! I am working to become the best person I possibly can be and working through some personal demons that have affected me in every avenue of my life up until now.
When I started this blog the purpose was to track my working out and running journeys, hoping to be held accountable and stay on track... well that hasn't happened. As most of you know I have been on a continual roller coaster trying desperately to lose weight and be healthy fit and comfortable in my own skin. I currently sit at 159 but my goal weight is 135, a number I haven't seen since high school. It wasn't until the other day that I got "The Rude Awakening" as you might call it. It came in the form of a book called Women, Food and God. I have yet to read it but by just reading the excerpt I was floored. The book centers around women's struggles to lose weight and constant battles with food. Who did that remind me of?? ME! So I read the article and swear I think the woman wrote the book for me. It spoke about how we will never have the life we want, the body we want, the health we want until we can truly face our personal issues head on and deal with them and stop using our vices to cover them up... wow true that. For years I have used vices to deal with my problems, problems with family (don't get me started), friends, image, worthiness, love, and trust. I have used food, alcohol, cigarettes, and even my studio work as a cover up. Everyone wants their life to seem to everyone else as amazing. "Things are going great an I've never been happier", but in reality we all have issues we struggle with and very few of us actually deal with them! Thats what I am going to start doing. Instead of punishing and blaming myself for my issues, im going to start working through them one by one, and as I do this I am going to start taking better care of myself and treating my body like the temple God created it to be. Does this mean I won't go out and have a few drinks with my friends? NO!! I want to still have fun and be social and I do like to drink, but I'm going to only go out when its because I want to have fun and am in a good place... not because I had a bad day or am feeling fat (cause alcohol really makes you feel skinny?? haha dumb) or because I'm trying to avoid a problem and am trying to just make it go away. Doing anything for the wrong reason never got me anywhere, and its sad that at 23 I'm just now realizing this.
I had a really amazing conversation with a good friend the other afternoon. We were sitting by the pool laying out after church and a great mexican lunch, and we starting discussing life outside of college. In reality, I (and my friend) are both extremely lucky!! We both have good jobs, amazing apartments with low rent and living costs, good friends, and are pretty much carefree. I really don't worry about to much these days. I go to a job I love every morning (even thought its 4:00 when I wake up) and then when I get home I'm done... no homework, no worrying about bills cause my job pays my bills, just really carefree. I have my nights and weekends to do as I please, and spend my days helping people and working for a great cause towards better cancer research and treatments. so in a nut shell i'm very blessed, and I have never really given much thought or thanks to God for this. Because of Him I am blessed, he has given me this life, and i'm not going to take advantage of it anymore.
So over next next few months of living and blogging, I'll be working through my issues, growing stronger in my walk with Christ, and working on myself. I went to see a vitamin doctor and have been eating better, taking loads of vitamins everyday, and I ride my bike to work! I am really working towards living the best life possible!! so stay tuned for more as this new journey unfolds!
Much Love
- E
