Lemonade

Somedays I find myself daydreaming on and off continually. When work gets really stressful, like today for example, I let my mind wander to a different place for a little while. I imagine what it would be like to truly break free of this life, this place, these rules, this persona. Go somewhere else, be someone else, and do something else. This isn't in a sad way, just an adventure. Losing myself to find myself sort of thing. Today I went back to my trip to New York City in March of '07. I was 20 and in town for an Art Educators Conference. I remember the crispness of the city. I remember walking through Rockefeller Center through 4 foot snow drifts, getting coffee and doughnuts across the street at Starbucks, hitting the town for St. Patricks Day. I felt very alive, and vibrant, and new. I remember having the distinct feeling, for the first time, that I was in charge of my own universe, and my own destiny. I think today, we lose that understanding so quickly. We become controlled by our job, our boss, what we think we are "supposed" to be doing. We lose sight that any day we can change our situation. I could wake up tomorrow and decide I want to become an interior designer, and as long as I stay true to what I want, I can make it happen. I can make anything happen, and that realization can sometimes stunt us from moving towards our dreams more than hiding behind our inhibitions.

On days like today, I have to remind myself that life isn't perfect. It's messy, and unreliable, and chaotic. No one is perfect, not even the people we perceive to be so. No one does everything right, and everyone will majorly screw things up from time to time. I also have to remind myself that what I am doing now is a stepping stone. It's not the end all be all, it isn't my career, but it is a big part in my future. I won't wake up tomorrow and decide to be an interior designer (I don't think) but I will wake up tomorrow and know that I am moving in the right direction. The only person who truly is in control over me is God, and through his unfailing love, I can do anything. I am realizing my potential, and I won't stop. Like I told Keeli tonight "Enjoy yourself! Relax! Don't think about work... that's just a job. Enjoy your life!"

Much Love,
  -E