World Spins Madly On

So, it's monday, which is my day off. I work 4-10's so I only work Tuesday-Friday. It's an amazing schedule and I love it, but every Monday, I end up sitting at home all day alone, doing nothing, and eventually get lost in thought. Today, I got very nostalgic. Next week is my alma matters first day back to class. Everyone is moving back to Cookeville with anticipation for the coming semester, and what it will bring, and I can't help but feel sad. I miss that feeling, that the best time of my life is still ahead. Knowing that I am only days away from beginning a new class where I will eventually learn so much, meeting new people, and growing in who I am and what my life will be. I miss being surrounded by people I love, who make me laugh, and bring me up when I am down. I miss walking to class in the fall, breathing the crisp cool air on campus, being surrounded my academics and bustling life. I miss all of it. It is very difficult to transition from that life, to the next faze. I now live in an amazing city, and I have a wonderful job which is going to help me move forward in my career and has already helped me to better myself and my knowledge of the world and where I fit in. I have a great apartment, with a wonderful roommate who is great to talk to and helps keep me sane. I have a wonderful friend who I spend a majority of my time with and am blessed to have her. I love her honesty and willingness to just be herself (Lindsey, this is your shout-out!!). But yet, life has changed dramatically, and it's all new and fresh and scary. My comfort zone is gone, the walls have been torn down and I am exposed. I have direction, and yet am completely lost most days. I have friends, and am still very lonely. In college, you are thrown into a world full of people your age, all open to new experiences and making new friends. Everyone is just there. Once your out, its very difficult to find your place, and make those life long connections that just came so easily when you were 18. Professors and grades, have been replaced with bosses and performance evaluations. Classes where we learned something new everyday, has now become performing the same job everyday. Nights out have now turned into dinner alone and going to bed at 8:30 so I can make it up at 4:30 for work the next morning. How do we move from adolescence to adulthood and yet still keep that bright eyed bushy-tale optimism we had that first day of class?

Freshman year, bid day- Just the beginning

I have found over the past 3 months since college ended, that I am more capable of taking care of myself than I had previously imagined. I can actually budget my money and wake up before dawn to go to work. I can perform a job in a field I was previously ignorant of, and I can excel. I can make decisions for myself and ultimately live with the consequences. I am capable, we are all capable. At the end of the day, we decide what we want to be and how we want our lives to play out, and at the beginning of the day, we decide how we will react to the inevitable happenings that we will encounter. We are all still in the same boat, even if it is less obviously organized.

No matter what, inevitably some things will never change.

I miss my former life, I miss the past 5 years. Even though I experienced some of the most significant milestones and tragedies I will ever live through, I am blessed, because they made me who I am today. So this is the time to move forward, to embrace the truly unknown and remember that 5 years from now, I will be looking back on this time and dearly missing it as well. We cannot dwell in the past, because if we do, we will miss the beauty of the future. So when you feel sad, lonely, and lost, remember we are all there to some extent, you are never truly alone, and something great is always just around the corner. You just have to be open to it, because no matter what, the world always spins madly on.

Graduation day with one of the most amazing people I have ever met.

Much Love,
 -E