Mixtape

Hello blogging friends... I am a very bad blogger. This has become apparent to me. =/ sorry, I can't promise it will get better, but im really really going to try! So in the past month ish, things have been progressing nicely! Where to start???

OK so, I have really started to find myself as a Nashvillian. I am a member at Climb Nashville now! I LOVE it! I climb about 2-3 times a week and go to Yoga on Monday's and Thursday's. My Thursday yoga instructor is AMAZING! Cool Yoga Dude's class will completely kick your butt, but you feel wonderful when you leave! I am also becoming a regular at some of my favorite Nashville hotspots... for those of you who love FroYo, check out Sweet Cece's. I also hit up Sam's frequently, and have Sunday night cookouts and my friend Greg's house! I am finally starting to feel like I fit in, and am making a path formyself in this big city!

NEWSFLASH- This is a big update, so keep reading! I have been thinking about my plans for the future, ya know that time after Grad School. I am going to have a lot of debt (60,000+) and am still going to want to move forward with my PhD. I probably shouldn't post this, but I trust you guys... I am seriously, seriously considering joinging the Navy! It is a really good idea for me, I can go in with a speciality, work in a field that I am very interested in, as a Navy PhD Counselor working with sailors and families through grief and loss and post-traumatic stress disorder. It's not a definite, but I kinda figure why not? It's something I want to do, and you only live once right? I'll keep y'all updated =)

Now, my job... I just hit my 90 days! yay!!! I am eagerly waiting for my review and hopefully the subsequent raise that comes along with it.

This is where I work all day!

Most awesome mouse pad ever...

Look, my name is on an office door!

So theres a little sneak peak into 40 hours of my week! I am really enjoying what I do, and am looking forward to getting even better and more comfortable in my position...Research Analyst I (hoping to be a II one day)

Weight Watchers update... so I slacked, big time for a couple of weeks, and so have since the last post, only gotten down to 152.4 This is 14.4.lbs down from my original start weight. I am hoping to drop below 150 in the next 3 weeks!

Living the good life- note this was a night where I went WAY over my points ;)

New Developments- I now have a pen pal! I am very excited about this retro passtime... I even ordered some sweet new stationary... I am pumped. So if my new pen pal is reading this- You Rock! I even have started a budget... I keep it on an excel file on the jump drive on my keychain. I have done pretty good so far about keeping up with it and am hoping I can really focus on building my savings. We will see how it goes, but so far it has really helped me out.

Well folks, I PROMISE I will update at least once a week from now on... So keep tuned, I have some interesting things comming up! Preview- I am wanting to start my own 365 day project... check out my amazing inspiration!

Much Love,
-E

After Tonight

Hello friends! I can't believe it has been since June 18th since i last posted! Feels like i just did it the other day! Anywho, I had an amazing weekend with David for the 4th and per my request we did not go to visit his parents. Now let me explain... I LOVE David's family. they are amazing people and will do anything for anyone, but every time David comes in town we go to visit them, and I was so excited to have a weekend where it was just us! I love spending time with them, but I also love spending time with him. So, instead of going to visit the rents we went hiking, to the movies, out with friends, watched the fireworks, and took long naps in the day. It was fabulous and only made me wish he was here with me more. Sunday, we went to Hermitage down to the lake so he could get some grave for his aquarium. We stopped at McDonalds (don't worry, took my Weight Watchers book with me and stayed on point) and had a little picnic by the water. We spent so much time talking all weekend it was really nice. I am always amazed at how candidly and open we can be with each other, and how we are very much on the same page. We drove around and looked at houses we liked and talked about the future. No plans were made, more of out loud uncensored day dreaming on both out parts, which is more than fine with me at this juncture.

Which brings me to my next topic... GRADUATE SCHOOL! In some ways this is the most exciting phrase in my vocabulary currently, and in others, the most looming. I so desperately want to go to grad school. I know exactly what I want to do. I want to go into Counseling and get my masters and Licensure of Professional Counseling (LPC) and Mental Health Licensure. Here's the problems thus far...

1) when should I begin? ASAP would be my ideal answer but I want to work for a while. I can always work and go part time, but do I really want to do that right now? Would it make more sense to wait a year or two after I have gained some real world experience and begin, or start now and go at it slowly? Also, so I want to wait for 2 more years before i start really? I'l be 26 when i start the almost 30 when I'm out...

2) Where should I go? I wanted to go to Vanderbilt SO BAD, and when I didn't get in it really sucked. But in ways it opened more doors for me and I am glad in the long run that I am not starting there in the fall. Now I am also looking at David Lipsomb University. Then there is always MTSU, and Treveca. At first I said "who care about the name? It's the education that matters" now I seem to be all comsumed by the idea that if I don't choose the best school with the most recognizable name that I am somehow failing?? I have always been a bit of an over-acheiver, but even I am finding this idea completely ridiculous. 

So there you have it, my current inner drama. Right now I know it is most important for me to figure out what I want to do, where I am going, and who I want to become. I want to focus on me, I want to do whats right for me. How many years of our lives are we granted the opportunity to , as my good friend Anna said, be so self indulgent? How many years do we get to be independent, and flighty with no regard to a husband or children? Not that many, and I want to take advantage of this time, which brings me to my third major kink...

3) No matter how much of this independence I keep searching for, I will always plan for David in the equation. This is not a bad thing mind you, its just something else I take into account. I am so desperately, pathetically in love with him, and I will always consider his feelings, stance, and goals for himself when planning for mine. I know he will give me all the space in the world for me to accomplish my goals, but I want to make sure that when I set out to do this, he is thought of. I don't want to do the long distance thing anymore, and I eventually would like to have what resembles a normal see-each-other-on-a-daily-basis relationship. So, when I start making plans for my future I try to remember that it's his future too. 

So yeah, I don't know whats going to happen in the next few years, but I do know that I have a stable job that pays enough to survive on, a wonderful relationship with someone who adores me as much as I adore him and will give me the freedom i need to accomplish my goals, and that I am blessed beyond measure at the opportunities before me. I'm just hoping that the rest will all fall into place.

On a very off subject side note, Weight Watchers!! I lost 3more lbs putting me officially down to 153.6 13.2 lbs down from the original start on May 15th at 166.8. I missed my meeting last week cause I was sick, so I'm hoping when I go this thursday, Debbie will have good news from the scales. I'll let you know!!

Much Love,

-E

Breathe Your Name

Hello friends! Well I have been extremely productive today! I slept in (ahh-mazing!) getting up at 4:30 every morning is starting to wear me down a bit. Then I packed up all my dirty laundry... I had like 7 loads! I counted out all the change in my change jar, 34.46! I packed up my car and went off. First stop, the bank, then the post office, then Krogers, then the laundry mat. Now, I don't know how many of you frequent a laundry mat, but it can be quite an interesting experience. Take today for example... I brought in all my laundry, freaked out about the prices (seriously $5 to use a washing machine??), then I sat down. I noticed a little boy sitting near me. He was about 7, a red head, cute little freckles, a white wife beater tank top, skinny jeans, and flip flops... basically I was sitting next to a baby hipster! He was playing video games on an iPod touch, which I later found out he got for his birthday... I then proceeded to learn that he was a broadway actor from New York traveling with the Beauty and the Beast show currently playing at TPAC. Ohh yeah, and he's naturally a brunette! So funny! I was listening to him tell me his life story, and I was amazed. This little kid has accomplished quite a lot in his short 7 years on this earth. then it made me kind of sad for him too... what kind of childhood is that? Traveling around, living out of hotels, WORKING!! I hope I don't see him 20 years from now on one of those VH1 specials on screwed up child stars.

After my laundry was finished, I headed home for some much needed cleaning. now if you know me well, you know that I HATE cleaning. But i buckled down today, quit complaining, and cleaned the kitchen, did all the dishes, cleaned the living room, the bathroom, and finally my room. I also reorganized all my clothes, and sorted through some boxes! I got a lot done! Now im sitting in the kitchen baking cupcakes for David's birthday! Tonight I am taking him on a special surprise date... he doesn't know where we are going but i'll tell u guys. At Cheekwood Botanical Gardens right now they are having an exhibit from a man named Chihuly, he is a glass blower and has put up a huge installation in the gardens. Cheekwood is showing his exhibit by day, and by night! At night its all lit up, and you can walk through the gardens and see the work, I have heard it is absolutely, breathtakingly amazing! I'll let u know how it goes!!

So weight watchers update! The first week I lost 1.8 lbs, and last week I only lost .2. It's not much but its a start and I know why my weight loss wasn't so great last week, so i'm going to be better about tracking, and watching the snack foods. But hey .2 is still a loss so I'm excited! I really like the eating plan so far, its pretty simple once you get used to the points system, and I am finding lots of new recipes that are really yummy and fit into my points allowance! Here are 3 of my new favorites!

White Cupcakes:
1 box Dunkin Heines white cake mix
1 jar Dunkin Heines whipped white frosting
1 can Fresca

Mix cake mix and Fresca together. Place cupcake paper cups in cupcake pan. Fill cups 2/3 full of batter. Bake at 325 for 20 minutes. Let cool and cover with 1 tbsp of whipped frosting! Makes 24 cupcakes. Total Weight Watchers Points: 3

Turkey Snack Wrap:
1 Ole' Tortilla (you can find them at Kroger)
6 slices shaved sandwich turkey
Spinach
Kroger Brand Honey Mustard (the generic brand with only 10 calories per serving)

Place honey mustard, spinach and turkey on wrap. Roll up and enjoy!
Total Weight Watchers Points: 2


Turkey Burgers:
1 Jennie'O frozen turkey burger
1 Arnold's honey wheat roll
spinach
Green tomato
Onions
Dale's seasoning

Place Jennie'O frozen turkey burger in skillet with light veggie oil. Add Dales to taste. Slice green tomatoes and cook with burger. Let burger cook for approximately 7 minutes on each side. Place burger on Arnold's Bun with spinach and onions. Top with cooked green tomato slices.
Total Weight Watchers Points: 5


Hope you guys get a chance to try some of these quick and delicious recipes! If you do let me know what you think!

Much Love,
  -E

Redeeming Love

Hello friends... happy hump day! I have lierally run out of things to do at work, so I figured this would be as good a time as any to update!

I just finished, for the 2nd time, the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. Please if you havn't read it, please drop everything your doing (after u finish this post of course) and go buy it! It is one of the best books I have ever read. The premisis on the surface is about a young woman, Angel, in the mid 1800's who was sold into prostitution as a young child. She is living in a brothel basically in slavery. Michael, a farmer from a town near where she lives, comes into town one day to sell his produce and see's her. When he does, he realizes that this is the woman God has chosen for him to be his wife. He procedes to try and convince Angel that he is different from the other men she has known in her life and to leave with him. He finally gets her out of the brothel and marries her. The rest of the book centers around his struggles to get her to stay and trust and find the Lord. The book is such as amazing testament to God's overwhelming and never failing love for us. You compare the main characters relationship to that of God's love and devotion for the lost. No matter what you have done, are doing, believe or don't believe, God is always waiting for you to come to him, believe in him, and reach for him. He forgives all things! It is such an amazing read, if you do or have read it leave me a comment about your thoughts!

The book also brings up another subject that has been weighing on my mind lately... marriage. No I'm not getting married, in fact David and I aren't even talking about it. What I mean is the entire idea, and premises of marriage. Why do people get married and what is it all supposed to truly mean? How do you know when your ready to get married, and what does God say about it? I don't really know why it has entered my mind so heavily recently. I assume it has something to do with everyone I know getting married. Ok, not everyone but a lot of them. Here is what I do know...

I want to get married one day
I want a FIREPROOF marriage
I want to be my husbands world, and I want him to be mine
I don't want to get married until I know that its about a MARRIAGE, not a WEDDING!!

The rest of it though, is just so confusing. Redeeming Love, exemplifies the kind of marriage I want. Michael is so deeply in love with Angel, he prays for her, guides her, trusts her, and believes in her. Yes they argue, and yes its not always easy, but he never gives up on her. I want that so bad. I dont ever want to go through what my parents went through. I believe that human being ARE supposed to be monogamous. I don't know if I believe there is only one person for everyone, but I believe that God will lead you to someone he has chosen for you if you just trust and have faith in his timing and will. But how do you know when you have truly found this person? I believe it can be very difficult to separate your wants from God's will when it comes to relationships. When you feel so in love with someone, how can you distinguish if thats God's will or yours?

This book is also set in a much different time. It was easier, not as hurried, and much less complicated. You found someone, you fell in love, got married and stayed together. Divorce wasn't very popular, and although cheating has always existed, it wasn't as easily accomplished. Now we have cell phones, computers, iPads, txt messaging, e-mail, snail mail... you get the idea. How do you have an 1850's marriage in the 2010's?

I don't have the answers to all these questions... but I do know what I want eventually. I do know that if I just have faith, believe, and wait, that my prayers and desires will be answered one day in some fashion. It is hard though, and i think especially hard here in the South. Getting married is all anyone my age talks about and does. At 23, I feel behind the 8 ball because I'm not married, or engaged. I think here it is a status symbol, a special priveledge saved for the best and most beautiful southern belles and their southern gentlemen. The rest of us... who knows where we fall. But I have never been one to do something just because everyone else is doing it, and luckily I have someone who loves me just the way I am. We are in no hurry to take the plunge, and we know that it will come for both of us one day, whether its together or not. But I do know that when that day does come, I will marry the love of my life and best friend.

Much Love,
 -E

Along The Wall

So I fixed up the layout... I liked the other one but I needed a change... I don't know if I'll keep this one or not just trying it out for now!

So tonight is my first official Weight Watchers meeting. I'm getting all my information tonight and start bright and early tomorrow! I am really really excited, but also nervous. I feel like over the past 5 years I have hidden behind this person I am today, hidden behind my imperfections and short comings that I knew I could change and improve, but have chosen not to out of fear or self loathing. I have basically told myself for a long time that i don't deserve to be my best, I don't deserve to feel good about myself, but I'm so tired of hating on myself. If I don't make the necessary steps to treat myself right how can I ever expect anyone else to treat me right??? I am ready for this change, but still scared of having nothing to hide behind anymore. I can't make excuses anymore. I really want to be the best person I can be and this is where it starts, here with me , now, today. It's not a vanity thing, I'm not doing this to get attention or to make other people think better about me, I'm doing this for myself. I want to feel better and BE better, and right now I know I'm not living up to that potential I have... besides you are only young once, and I feel like I should use my youthfullness to it's fullest extent!

Fun fact today: Did you know that monkey's always open bananas from the bottom? The top is too unreliable, but a banana will ALWAYS peel from the bottom! Try it =)

Much Love,
 -E

June

Hey all! I'm at work right now waiting on a staff meeting and thought I would update! I'm going to work on my layout today, so tell me what you think when it's done... I think the text is just a little hard to read.

Hope everyone had a great memorial day weekend! I went kayaking with David and hiking and swimming and camping... it was awesome! 4 day weekends never last as long as you think they will. Being back at work is nice though, I really love my job. Everyday I feel more confident in what I'm doing and am learning ALOT. on a side note if you want to see something funny go to http://www.neuticles.com/! so funny.

My computer at work is currently down. They decided it needed to be rebuilt and the IT guy came yesterday and ripped her guts out and left and I havn't seen him since. he said he would be back to fix her around 11 today and well, I think he's late. I just got a new mousepad and calendar in the mail yesterday so im sad I have to sit at another desk right now... im going to bring some flowers and a vase and some other office decorations with me tomorrow and I'll post a picture of my work area once its fixed up!

So I've been running and riding my bike a lot and I'm down 9 lbs from 2 weeks ago! I started at 166 and am not at 157. My doctor has me on a crazy restrictive diet for a condition I have called Candida... google it it's pretty interesting (gross). The diet is only for another week and a half, and I start Weight Watchers TOMORROW!!! I'm so pumped... I don't think I'll know what to do with myself once i reach my goal weight (135). Guess we will just have to wait and see what happens with it all!

Much Love,
  -E

Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes!!!

OMG it has been over 2 months since I last posted! Sorry everyone... I am going to be better about this... promise (maybe =D)... so much has happened so here a shortened list...

1) Finished student teaching
2) GRADUATED from TTU
3) Got my first adult big kid job at Vanderbilt University Medical Center
4) David got a job in Memphis and has already moved out of Biloxi!!! YAY!!
5) New apartment downtown with a new awesome roomie!!
6) my job has benefits!! so i now have dental and vision insurance and yes I AM SO EXCITED!!
7) found a new church that I love and am working through some personal issues to become a more Godly woman and live my life according to HIS PLAN!!!

My life has taken so many turns in the past 2 months and has finally started on a straighter path that is turning out to be an amazing journey! I am working to become the best person I possibly can be and working through some personal demons that have affected me in every avenue of my life up until now.

When I started this blog the purpose was to track my working out and running journeys, hoping to be held accountable and stay on track... well that hasn't happened. As most of you know I have been on a continual roller coaster trying desperately to lose weight and be healthy fit and comfortable in my own skin. I currently sit at 159 but my goal weight is 135, a number I haven't seen since high school. It wasn't until the other day that I got "The Rude Awakening" as you might call it. It came in the form of a book called Women, Food and God. I have yet to read it but by just reading the excerpt I was floored. The book centers around women's struggles to lose weight and constant battles with food. Who did that remind me of?? ME! So I read the article and swear I think the woman wrote the book for me. It spoke about how we will never have the life we want, the body we want, the health we want until we can truly face our personal issues head on and deal with them and stop using our vices to cover them up... wow true that. For years I have used vices to deal with my problems, problems with family (don't get me started), friends, image, worthiness, love, and trust. I have used food, alcohol, cigarettes, and even my studio work as a cover up. Everyone wants their life to seem to everyone else as amazing. "Things are going great an I've never been happier", but in reality we all have issues we struggle with and very few of us actually deal with them! Thats what I am going to start doing. Instead of punishing and blaming myself for my issues, im going to start working through them one by one, and as I do this I am going to start taking better care of myself and treating my body like the temple God created it to be. Does this mean I won't go out and have a few drinks with my friends? NO!! I want to still have fun and be social and I do like to drink, but I'm going to only go out when its because I want to have fun and am in a good place... not because I had a bad day or am feeling fat (cause alcohol really makes you feel skinny?? haha dumb) or because I'm trying to avoid a problem and am trying to just make it go away. Doing anything for the wrong reason never got me anywhere, and its sad that at 23 I'm just now realizing this.

I had a really amazing conversation with a good friend the other afternoon. We were sitting by the pool laying out after church and a great mexican lunch, and we starting discussing life outside of college. In reality, I (and my friend) are both extremely lucky!! We both have good jobs, amazing apartments with low rent and living costs, good friends, and are pretty much carefree. I really don't worry about to much these days. I go to a job I love every morning (even thought its 4:00 when I wake up) and then when I get home I'm done... no homework, no worrying about bills cause my job pays my bills, just really carefree. I have my nights and weekends to do as I please, and spend my days helping people and working for a great cause towards better cancer research and treatments. so in a nut shell i'm very blessed, and I have never really given much thought or thanks to God for this. Because of Him I am blessed, he has given me this life, and i'm not going to take advantage of it anymore.

So over next next few months of living and blogging, I'll be working through my issues, growing stronger in my walk with Christ, and working on myself. I went to see a vitamin doctor and have been eating better, taking loads of vitamins everyday, and I ride my bike to work! I am really working towards living the best life possible!! so stay tuned for more as this new journey unfolds!

Much Love
- E